I was already an employee of a bank in Nigeria before I got married and had our first three children. 

We lived in Lagos, the busiest city in Nigeria. 

The city that never sleeps! 

The city where men and spirits move around at the same time! None is afraid of the other! 

In this city, as early as 5am in the morning, human beings are already dressed up and on their way to work. They don’t return home until 10pm; sometimes 11pm or midnight and in December, just before Christmas, they could still be driving back home from work at 1am! 

I lie not! 

My husband and I had such days and by 6am, we were out again, driving to work. 

What a life!

We had two amazing caregivers for our children, so, to some extent, we knew our kids were in good hands but I was never happy. I missed out on so many moments because I was out of the house for most part of each day. I rarely got a chance to walk them to their school which was just a few blocks away from our home. We leave home while they are still asleep and, on some days, I come home to meet them already in bed. I couldn’t blame them. Why should they be awake at 11pm? Or even 9pm?

I remember sending text messages to my boss a few times to let him know I will be late to work; then I will throw my phone into the deepest part of my bag because I didn’t want to see his response or call. 

Don’t judge me, please.  

I did that because I really wanted to attend an event in my children’s school and I was not ready to read any response that would push me to cancel my plans. 

As soon as I knew I was leaving Nigeria, I made up my mind that my children will be at the top of my priority list. I will make my decisions around them. I will be deliberate in my plans to be there for and spend quality time with them especially since they were still in their early years. 

I spent my first year in Canada as a stay-at-home mom.
I loved it.

It came with its own stress and challenges but through God’s help, I maneuvered. Of course, I had a few people in Nigeria who were concerned and wondered how I was going to cope, staying at home, and not having any dollar in my name. I understood their concerns and explained as much as I could (until I got tired🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️😅😅). Besides, our two sons were below school age and I was not ready to leave them again to work and then spend almost all my earnings on childcare fees. It didn’t make any sense to me.

Staying home with my babies for that one year was worth it! I realized there was so much of their personalities that I didn’t know! 

Then I got the urge to get back on the streets and ‘hustle’. 

I went back to school. Thankfully, I was able to plan my classes around my children’s schedule. A few times, I asked for help from some wonderful people I met here but I did my best to be available for them as much as I could. My husband also visited every quarter and for the short time he spent on every visit, he did most of the work – driving, cleaning, bathing, creating fun for them. Our kids gave him the good cop title because any time he showed up, it was filled with fun activities. To them, I was the bad cop, the one who gave the marching orders:

“Oya, wake up o! No lateness today!”

“Guys, what’s all this mess? Ngwa, everybody! Clean up!”

“No juice if you don’t finish that food!”

“Jidechukwu, time out osiso!”

One day, two of our kids had an outdoor school event. I was already overwhelmed because I had a lot of school work to do so I told them I won’t be there. Few minutes into the event, my friend, whom I had known from secondary school, called me. Her son was also in the same school and so she was there for the event. She said, 

“Nazo, you shouldn’t miss events like this o. It doesn’t matter. Abeg leave that your book and start coming over. You know these children – They grow so fast.”

THEY GROW SO FAST. 

That was all I needed to hear. 

I packed my books up, grabbed my keys and ran out. I got there just in time for my son’s race and I was able to watch my daughter’s race as well. 

My friend watched as I jumped and cheered them on to run faster. She laughed at me and said,

“Negodu gi! (Look at you!). Your kids would have missed all this your shouting and cheering because of book! Even if it’s PhD you are reading for, you have to create time for things like this.” 

Then she repeated, 

“they grow so fast.”

A few days ago, I was going out and I asked my daughter if she could accompany me. She replied,

“I don’t really feel like going out now, Mommy. I just want to stay at home.”

That was when it hit me. Going forward, I will have more of these moments and hear more of this kind of response –

when she would politely say no when I ask if she could go shopping or visiting with me;

when she would prefer to stay in her room instead of cuddling up next to me and resting her head on my shoulders;

when she would prefer to process her thoughts by herself instead of running them by me. 

The days I dreaded have finally come upon me! 

Our children are growing. And fast too! I can see the changes and I have decided not to let these moments pass me by. I have heard people say that the older they get, the tougher it becomes to handle them but I am determined to enjoy every stage of their life. Our daughter is 13 now and oooooooh, she is the typical 13-year old! The good news is she is a responsible one!

I will soak in and enjoy her 13^th year as much as I can, focusing more on the positive side than the negative. I will also do same for her brothers, God being my helper!

So, if you are a parent or guardian, I encourage you. Enjoy the moments you have with them now because, in the words of my friend,

THEY GROW SO FAST!