I always thought I was everyone’s favorite. The loved one. The one who never offends anyone. The peaceful, cheerful, playful, no-stress-no-drama lady.

Over the years, I had nursed this false feeling, unconsciously allowing it to become my truth and gradually, I became a self-acclaimed comedian, throwing jokes around and carelessly teasing people, whether it was the right time or not, the right place or not. It looked like I didn’t care anymore because of this false confidence:

“No one will be offended or irritated. They all love you.”

I always had an opinion about everything and I would jump at every opportunity I had to let it out because of this false feeling:

“No one will be offended or irritated. You are loved by all.”

Well, all that had to change. I guess I had thrown my ‘lovable’ self around so much that it became quite annoying. A few people complained and said I had become a nosy, noisy nuisance. I felt so bad. I was sad. I cried (yes, I am a certified cry-baby!) because that wasn’t the idea behind my jokes and perceived loudness. I was just being me – or so I thought.

Then I decided to stop;
not to stop being me but to stop being a ‘triple-N; a Nosy, Noisy Nuisance!

I went quiet for a while, pulled away from conversations and relationships that always made me go off the boundaries – whether it was online or offline, I walked out of some social media groups and activities and created more personal activities for myself to avoid unnecessary chit-chats. I also spent more time reading.

In that period of self-isolation, I discovered the real reason behind my behavior. It was an attempt to build my confidence, fight my insecurities and reaffirm my relevance. These were genuine battles but I was fighting them in the wrong way, using the wrong weapon! I had to go back to my life’s manual – The Bible.

I haven’t stopped being me; rather I have learnt that I can be me without being a nuisance. I can be me without offending people. I constantly reminded myself of a verse in the Bible where it says;

“if it is possible, as long as it depends on you, live peaceably with all men.”

And another verse;

“…make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands…”

No one is perfect and as long as we remain in the flesh and we still live on this earth, perfection will always be something that we will continually strive for. However, there is a demand on us to work towards it; to make an effort; to try. One of the ways to do this is to be open to criticism. Every one of us should be willing to receive the ‘gift’ of criticism positively, even if it comes in a negative package. Yes! It is hard but if your focus is to get better, you will make the necessary adjustments.

Some critics have good intentions while some will use it as opportunity to hit you where it hurts most. That’s ok. Fix your mind on your goal. Focus on becoming a better version of yourself. Keep in mind that your desire is get it right. You can take a step further by requesting for the criticism. Yes! That’s what mature people do!

You see, I’m not done working on myself yet. Oh, you have no idea! Some days, my fingers are itchy, and my tongue wants to breathe by letting out some jokes or savage responses but I have decided I will keep trying. I no longer take offence when my critics speak because I have realized that in some situations, the fault is mine!