As a parent, one of the things I’m learning to do when my children behave out of character is to listen to them before responding or reacting with frustration, even when I feel they have done the most ridiculous thing. 

It is a tough habit to develop, but I’m getting better.

I have also observed that it helps me put things in perspective and address the situation objectively. 

A few weeks ago, I had one of such moments.

I had stopped to get some groceries after work when I received a call from our son, asking for a ride home from football practice. 

“I’m not at home and I’m far from your school. You might have to take the bus home. Is that okay?” 

“Yes, that’s fine. I will have to walk though.” 

“Why? What happened to your presto card?” 

The presto cards are pre-paid bus passes in the city where we live. 

“I gave it to my friend. He didn’t have a ride home so I decided to help.” 

“You what?! Anyway, you either find your way home or wait until I get there in forty-five minutes or more. We will talk about your card later.” 

What is wrong with this boy? I was already getting upset but I caught myself quickly and decided to stay calm until I hear his explanation. 

I got home, ate dinner, put a few things in order around the house and waited for him to finish his homework. 

“Ehe! Bia, what did you say you did with your card?” 

“My friend didn’t have a ride after school. He’s been walking home and it’s a really long walk, Mom.” 

He went on to describe where his friend lived. 

“Mom, when he told me, I didn’t know how to let him go without offering to help. He said his mom was supposed to get him a pass but hasn’t been able to do so. She’s a single mom and he has 3 other siblings. She also works, so she can’t pick him up.” 

I went silent. A single mom with 4 kids. I imagined she was probably waiting to get some money for his pass. 

“Okay, it was kind of you to help, but I hope you know that you shouldn’t inconvenience others when you choose to help people. You gave out your card and then called me for a ride. We got the card for you for days like this, when we can’t pick you up.  If you chose to give your card out, then you should figure it out without calling me or Dad for a ride. We already made alternative arrangements for you. 

“Yes Mom, I understand. I didn’t have to walk home though. Do you remember Ethan? He is on my team. He heard the conversation and offered to ask his parents to give me a ride when they come to pick him up.” 

Silence again. 

That conversation highlighted two lessons for me that I would love to share:

• The importance of intentional parenting: It is not out of place to give our children a chance to explain the reason behind their “foolishness” before we respond. Our initial instinct is to react immediately but if we take time to ask questions and probe further, it helps us follow a more constructive and effective approach to correcting them. 

• The value of sowing seeds of kindness: When you show kindness from your heart, it often comes back to you. Ethan was our son’s best friend in their kindergarten and early elementary years. They had lost contact after we moved out of the area, then reconnected in high school but didn’t have much interaction with each other. The relationship dynamics had changed; yet, Ethan felt the need to help out when our son was stranded. Genuine kindness often comes back in beautiful ways, sometimes sooner than we expect. 

I am not a perfect parent and like I have mentioned before, parenting is one of those responsibilities you take on without any formal training. We learn on-the-go and sometimes, we would have failed over and over again before we figure it out, but with God’s help, we will get it right.