Let us talk about relationships. 

I do not mean the “boy-meets-girl-and-they-fall-in-love” kind of relationship. I mean friendships that have been built over time and the kind of people you connect with based on certain similarities or common grounds you share.

You see, we all long to be loved, appreciated, understood, celebrated…name it. Our desire as humans is that these things will come from genuine hearts and not from people who act like they care but are quick to bite you if that is what they need to do in order to survive. 

A good way to form and categorize these relationships is by focusing on who you are, the purpose of your existence and what you desire to make out of your life, especially if your desire is to get it right while you are here on earth. 

I have always had a mental note of the kind of friends I felt I had but recently I decided to move from having ‘mental’ notes to ‘physical’ notes. Yes! You read right! I had to grab my journal and create groups with their names in mind. Literally. Who says you cannot take stock of friends too? 

So, I came up with three groups:

1.    Yoke fellows: These are the friends who know me well, in and out. They are the friends that I can be open with and vulnerable to when necessary, I can call them to pray for or with me and I trust that they will respond willingly and swiftly, I also trust them enough to let them know about my issues, my challenges, my fears, my dreams, my plans and other personal information. I may not see or talk to them often but anytime I do, I come out better, stronger, and ready to face the world! They are like my pillars. I can lean on them when I am weak. I can tell them I messed up and ask them to help clean up my mess. I know that I am safe with them. My elder sisters fall into this group. I cannot imagine my life without those women! Support system on fleek! 

2.     Buddies: These ones are also like family. We talk about life, experiences, goals etc. We may or may not share some differences in terms of faith, convictions, interests but we are still able to connect. We can get together often, encourage ourselves and share ideas. They may have access to limited information, but we still share strong bonds. 

3.    Playmates: They are friends because we have something in common – maybe we were school mates, former or current colleagues, live in the same neighborhood, our kids attend the same school, etc. They are not bad people. We can chat, joke, tease and so on; however, I cannot build the yoke-fellow or buddy bonds with them because there might be conflict of interests, ideas, beliefs, convictions, principles etc.

I know someone is asking, why should anyone go through all this trouble just to create friendships? Aren’t you being overly sensitive? Is life this serious? Well, I have always said life is not so serious; life is not always so hard, and that is the truth. If you have been around me for a while, you will know that ‘Play’ is my middle name. I am careful not to take myself seriously, I play, tease and fool around so much, you would think I was deprived of all that as a child but sometimes, things happen. This same simple life can hit you below the belt if you place ‘square’ people in ‘round’ positions in your life and suddenly, you will realize that if you had set the boundaries, if you had known the difference, if you had drawn a line from the beginning, you won’t be nursing those wounds and crying over spilt milk. 

As a person of faith, Jesus Christ is my perfect example of someone who knew how to place the people in his life in their right positions. Even though He loved all, was a friend to all, did good to all who met Him, He also understood the sensitivity of relationships and how they can tear down or build up a person of purpose. 

• Jesus had ‘the disciple whom He loved’. As He hung on the cross to be crucified, He saw His mother and this disciple standing by. He said to His mother, “Woman behold your son!” (John 19:26) In other words, He was saying to His mother, “though I am gone, I am confident that this one will be like a true son to you” and to this disciple He was saying, “I trust that you will take good care of my mother.” As we all know, you don’t hand over such a sensitive responsibility to just anyone in your life.

• Jesus had the three disciples who went almost everywhere with Him – Peter, James, and John. They were with Him at the transfiguration; they were also with Him in the garden of Gethsemane. When He was called to bring back to life the little girl who had died, Scriptures record that, “He permitted no one to follow Him except Peter, James and John.” (Mark 5:37). 

• Jesus had the twelve disciples who accompanied Him to teach the multitudes. He was training them to take over after His death and so He needed these twelve around while He ministered (Luke 9). Note that the 3 (Peter, James and John) were also part of the 12.

• Jesus also had the 70 (Luke 10).

• And then there was the multitude who followed Him, mostly because of the miracles, signs, and wonders that He performed; not necessarily because they wanted to know Him or be close to Him! 

Though they were categorized in a sense, each group played a role in His life and in the fulfillment of His purpose here on earth. Now, imagine if He had switched positions between the 3 and the 70; or between the 1 and the 12! 

The people around you may not understand why you choose to relate with them the way you do. Some will call you proud, arrogant, and unfriendly while some will say you have an ‘attitude’ or like we say in Nigeria, “wetin de do dis wan sef? Na only you waka come?” 

That is fine. If you are a man or woman of purpose, these boundaries must be in place; otherwise, you will miss it. 

And it might be forever. 

So grab your journal. It’s time to take stock!